23

“No one likes you when you’re 23” –Blink 182

“No one likes you when you’re 23 without a plan” –Machine Gun Kelly

Well, shit.

My name is Cari, I just turned 23, and I don’t have a plan.

Actually that’s not entirely true. In five days I’m moving out of the country with my boyfriend Landyn as he studies International Affairs and Sustainable Development down in Costa Rica. As for me, I’ll be studying…myself?…as well as exploring the Costa Rican environment and culture. I’ve never been to Central America and I am so excited and so terrified and it all comes back to being 23.

Our whole lives we are told “someday you’re going to be in the real world and x/y/z” or “in the real world blahblahblah,” and now I’m 23 and I think I’m in it. I can’t be entirely sure because despite continually referencing it, nobody tells you what exactly this impending, indefinite ‘real world’ looks like, or how to know when you’ve arrived at its doorstep. But now I’m 23––there are no more fun Taylor Swift songs about my age, no more privileges to celebrate like when I turned 18 or 21, and I’m no longer a slave to a syllabus or assignment notebook.

So does that mean I’m now in the ‘real world?’ Am I here? Is 23 young or old? Reckless or responsible?

Moreover, am I falling behind already? Most of my peers are starting careers with 401Ks and benefit packages, beginning the perpetual 9-5 grind. I get it, I really do; work hard, make money, save money, buy nice things, provide for yourself. I have tried this rinse and repeat lifestyle and while it’s advantageous in some regards, I could never rinse the feeling that something was missing, that I needed more.

So what’s an idealistic millennial to do? In my case, it’s to say fuck the backwards, corrupt system. I’m putting happiness first and leaving the rat race on the back burner. Sometimes this makes me feel brave and heroic, most days it makes me feel terrified and uncertain if taking the proverbial road-less-traveled is a really dumb idea. Is that road less traveled because people are too scared to take a chance on themselves, or because that road lands you on the street with nothing?

Maybe this will all go up in flames. Maybe my plans to travel and write, write and travel are completely unrealistic. Maybe I won’t be interesting enough, or pretty enough, or entertaining enough. Maybe you are one of only three people that will ever read this. Maybe Cari Anna Camera is my worst idea yet.

All I know is there is only one thing I fear more in life than failure: regret. So here I sit, opening myself up to criticism and judgment and humiliation because I think I would really hate myself at 45 for not being more adventurous when I was 23 because I was still afraid of condemnation from my peers. Maybe that’s the point of 23. Maybe persisting forward in spite of your own insecurities and fear is how you know you’re an adult, that you’ve made it to the real world, that you’re in it.

With that I’d like to warmly welcome you to Cari Anna Camera, an idea I have had for years. Landyn’s grad school in Costa Rica finally gave me the perfect springboard.

Cari Anna Camera is a view into who I am, what I’m about, and, most importantly, where I’m at. Follow me on the greatest adventure and biggest leap of faith I’ve taken yet. I have a feeling 23 is gonna be one hell of a ride.